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You’re gonna be okay

I have been off blogging for a while lately and I felt like I didn’t really know how to do it anymore. I just got lost in the reality of life and found myself wandering over the things present on this platform.

I just didn’t know what to write anymore or how to write at all. For the past week, there had been happening too many life-changing situations that I just couldn’t be inspired to be here anymore. I wanted to start fresh, to renew whatever there, is to begin with.

This week has especially been a special and memorable one. My dad passed away. Before you go all the way into that, I would like to express my gratuity for you being here and reading this. Thank you for being this anonymous friend here and trying to be empathetic to what I am about to share. I hope you will also be blessed with a similar kind of companionship 🙂

This blog will be about the recent life-changing journey that I have encountered in the previous weeks and how I overcame it all.

It was on the first week of January when he got really sick. I went to see him at the hospital. He was wearing his old comfy tee. Staring into my eyes, he demanded me to come closer. The doctors said he won’t be able to speak as yet. Half of his body couldn’t function any longer. Yes, it was a hypertensive stroke. He murmured something, and I am left in tears for not understanding what he wanted me to do. I phoned my sister, but she was still home, washing herself. Fast forward to tomorrow, we came to know that he suffered from heart disease last stage. The docs said “We can’t do anything for you anymore, I am sorry”

I was deeply depressed, couldn’t perform well at work and couldn’t help home when they needed me to. A week later, I quit my job. I felt like serving two masters at the time and wanted to give up one. But logically, you don’t give up your family; so work it was.

After a week, my dad passed away. At that time my emotions went numb. I was in need of a psychiatrist/therapist or at least someone to counsel me at this very much-needed hour when people say I don’t have a heart cuz I didn’t cry at the funeral. Not that I didn’t, I tried but I just couldn’t feel a bit of emotions through my body.

Now, what do you do when this happens? You talk to your family, right? But there exists members who might not understand you and just talk about it as if it ain’t no biggie. So, I shut down. My mind, heart and body didn’t function anymore. It felt as though I was a walking dead body with a functioning nose and brain (note: I said mind shut down. I presume you know the difference between them)

After two nights of his funeral, I began to feel for his absence. I cried at 3 am, I cried it all out. Not leaving with me a single regretful tear. That was how I regained my feelings and emotions. I began to feel sorry again for dogs whose leg was hurt, and strayed cats. This is how I understood that not all people have the same kind of energy-plant that they could go to and refresh themselves. Some of us also have a cell such as mine that we enter in order for us to become even more equipped with what the world is teaching us. Some of you might have been privileged because you like to drink and I have heard stories that getting drunk does help you forget them all, unlike me, I just couldn’t drink even if I want to. I also just don’t want to forget my problems through a drink, and instead, I want to face it so it teaches me to become more matured. But I might just be judging here.

Do you also have a similar pattern in your life? Lost someone? Someone lost you? How do you relate to this?

Let me know in the comments section below! I want to give you a shout out for overcoming that but would like to know the process of how this has transformed you in a way.. so it helps others who even reads the blog 😊

Have a great time ahead 🙂

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